A friend of mine who is getting married asked for some advice about changing (or not changing) her name. Here is my take on it, with names changed to protect the innocent. The couple shall herein be known as Emilia Gambino and Lucas Gustaffson.

As interbreeding becomes the norm, we should expect family names to increasingly lose their ethnic significance. In a couple of generations, people will find it so much harder to pin their family tree to a specific country, and there will probably be redheaded brown-skinned people named Gambino (who knows?). So, at least on a theoretical level, I think we should bite the bullet now and give up on the historical/ethnic significance of last names.

Given that, what good is a last name?

  • helps to uniquely identify a person
  • identifies membership in a family group
  • very frequently associated with an individual bearing it

In other words, your last name is a huge branding opportunity. As it is used for identification, frequently associated with the people it includes, and denotes group membership, it is not at all unlike a company name. I am not kidding.

What does one want in a company name? Well, it has to be unique. You'd never call a new company or a new family "Smith". Second, you have to be able to register a sensible domain name; that's why my Rura is so convenient, because it's short and phonetically reasonable, yet unusual enough to have been available in y2k. Your name should be easy to say and spell (perhaps easier than "Rura", but I'm still thankful family names pass partilineally and I don't have an 8:2 consonant:vowel ratio in my last name). Finally, it can be used to communicate part of the mission or culture of the group (e.g. Microsoft, New Balance) but it needn't do so (e.g. GoDaddy, Nike). This last exception is especially important in the case of something as long-lasting and non-goal-specific as a family name.

Note also that in family names, there is a small, probably temporary incentive to use certain traditional-sounding names if you live in the United States or Canada and desire admission for your children to elite colleges. If your child's last name is distinctly Hispanic, it may trigger poorly calibrated affirmative action features in the college admissions process. For this reason, you should consider changing your names to "Emilia Rodriguez" or "Lucas Hernandez". However, a child named LaKeysha Rodriguez-Hernandez might be unduly scrutinized for her uncanny combination of affirmative-action-triggering name archetypes with the characteristically yuppie hyphen, so beware.

Short-term admissions strategizing aside, I recommend that you invent a new family name and use it for yourselves and your children. You might consider something that blends "Gustaffson" and "Gambino", such as "Gambison" or "Gusbino". However, if you are serious about achieving a lasting brand for your family, it may be worth bringing in a full-fledged naming/branding agency. While these guys mostly sit around thinking of names like "Verizon", there is no reason they couldn't expand into family names. In fact, the idea may be novel enough that an agency might be happy to donate their services if you let them write a few press releases about it. Just imagine the envy of the "Joneses" when their Tommy has his first play date with your young Mr. Campione or the way boys will melt for the on-demand attractiveness of Ms. SeducTiVo.